C. That's right, I said it, the Bailout worked. The United States of America government has, for once, done it. No, I'm not speaking of the steaming pile of moose droppings that used to be known as the Economy. Boooringggg. What is the single most important chunk of THE GREAT AMERICAN LIFESTYLE? Ta-da! Television. The Idiot Box. America's Babysitter. The NFL and the NBA and the Olympics and Tony Bourdain and Love Boat reruns and This Old House and Sesame Street and Dancing with the Stars and... I'm a cheapskate. Good bourbon in copious amounts is expensive. Cable TV is disgustingly expensive and www.hulu.com has the Daily Show and the Colbert Report for free. I, being the good rabbit ear using American, was terrified by the ominous scroll that my BoobTube would die unless I called toll free gubment number by February something 2009. I received my $40 Bailout Coupon within two weeks. I was told I could wander into any God-fearing American Electronics Retailer and they would take my $40 credit card-like coupon and a $10 dollar bill and hand me a little magic Made In China box and everything would be alright. Does anyone with an IQ over a Baby Palin trust the US government to get anything right? Not me. So five minutes opening a box, two connections to America's Bestest Friend, put batteries in Chinese remote control and POOF, I have stunning, crystal clear, glorious high definition wide screen format television. The Bailout worked. I trusted my government and I will be a pig in poo on football Sunday. AND IT'S FREE BECAUSE IT FLOATS THROUGH THE AIR! Count this voter as a die-hard believer in our new American Socialism. Whoa Amen and God Bless America.
Oh, and when Americans opens up their 401K quarterly statements this week and next, free TV will become very popular and John McCain will curse his fortune for running for President when the stock market loses 35% of its value a month before the election. The Other Bailout, ummmm, not working so good. Woops.
Woops. Make that 40%. Anybody seen GWB lately? If Americans lose half of their retirement savings in one month, an incumbent dogcatcher will lose in an bloody landslide. And it's one thing when Joe Sixpack has to work until he's 94 his two jobs plus pimping ebay beenie baby deals at 3AM, but when rich guys start losing money...not a good time to be a Republican fundraiser. Or an elected Republican. It's going to be a brutal sweep for years to come.
10.09.2008
10.07.2008
Schadenfreude Tuesday
C. Just as most NASCAR fans secretly wish for a bumper to fly into stands to shear off the melon of the cousin you really don't like anyway, I enjoy political debates for those proverbial cringe moments. Really, who goes to a racetrack to see cars make a left hand turn for three hours? A town hall forum gives Political Schadenfreudeans (note: trademark immediately) fabulous opportunity for tires and windshields to fly off and shred the fleshy parts of any candidate. This metaphor makes more sense after a few beers. Trust me. Will Senator McCain's skull go Scanners tonight? Will Senator Obama accidently burst out an audible "I call bullshit, John."? Tune in.
Riddle me this Batman, where on God's green earth do you find a townhall room full 'undecided voters'? Who are these pathetic mutants who need to ask a question to help the 'decide'? Have they been sequestered in a bomb shelter for two freaking years of non-stop campaigning? "I don't know how I'm going to vote yet, I haven't heard anything yet to help me make up my mind..." This nonsense should be grounds for the revocation of citizenship.
J: I couldn't agree more on "undecided voters". Make up your damn mind already. If you don't know what these two stand for already, then you haven't been paying attention, and thus shouldn't be asking questions at a debate.
My gut feeling is that we might see some of John McCain's legendary temper appear. Unlike the previous debate, there's not going to be as much physical separation between the two, and Johnny Mac might actually look at Barack. This could make him lose it. And, for those of you who didn't know, McCain did not look at his opponent during the first debate. This would lose a high school debater points. I just don't think he was able to look at the young whippersnapper that might keep him out of the Oval Office.
He might surprise me, and keep his cool... but if there's going to be a trainwreck tonight, I think this is the most likely one. It is definitely the most entertaining option. For all of Obama's charisma when giving speeches, he comes across much more as a law professor in debates. Verbal pauses while he tries to figure the most correct phrasing for an answer are annoying, but not amusing. A crochety old man erupting into a rant on-stage? That is potentially comedy gold.
I'm keeping the drinking game rules simple on this one- one drink when McCain smiles and it looks creepy, one drink when Obama refers to his opponent as "John". If McCain calls his opponent "Barack" rather than "Senator Obama", chug. It didn't happen once in the last debate.
C. The height of the candidates is going to add some weirdness, but eventually they'll have to look at each other. J., your simple rules are dangerous. But add Obama or McCain say, "The Economy? Hell if I know, we're screwed." Finish the bottle.
Riddle me this Batman, where on God's green earth do you find a townhall room full 'undecided voters'? Who are these pathetic mutants who need to ask a question to help the 'decide'? Have they been sequestered in a bomb shelter for two freaking years of non-stop campaigning? "I don't know how I'm going to vote yet, I haven't heard anything yet to help me make up my mind..." This nonsense should be grounds for the revocation of citizenship.
J: I couldn't agree more on "undecided voters". Make up your damn mind already. If you don't know what these two stand for already, then you haven't been paying attention, and thus shouldn't be asking questions at a debate.
My gut feeling is that we might see some of John McCain's legendary temper appear. Unlike the previous debate, there's not going to be as much physical separation between the two, and Johnny Mac might actually look at Barack. This could make him lose it. And, for those of you who didn't know, McCain did not look at his opponent during the first debate. This would lose a high school debater points. I just don't think he was able to look at the young whippersnapper that might keep him out of the Oval Office.
He might surprise me, and keep his cool... but if there's going to be a trainwreck tonight, I think this is the most likely one. It is definitely the most entertaining option. For all of Obama's charisma when giving speeches, he comes across much more as a law professor in debates. Verbal pauses while he tries to figure the most correct phrasing for an answer are annoying, but not amusing. A crochety old man erupting into a rant on-stage? That is potentially comedy gold.
I'm keeping the drinking game rules simple on this one- one drink when McCain smiles and it looks creepy, one drink when Obama refers to his opponent as "John". If McCain calls his opponent "Barack" rather than "Senator Obama", chug. It didn't happen once in the last debate.
C. The height of the candidates is going to add some weirdness, but eventually they'll have to look at each other. J., your simple rules are dangerous. But add Obama or McCain say, "The Economy? Hell if I know, we're screwed." Finish the bottle.
10.06.2008
LANDSLIDE?!?
C. It's in the wind. Landslide.
1. Check out all the polling data, the Electoral College map ain't pretty for McCranky and the Avon Lady from Mooseville. http://www.pollster.com/ or 538.com or MSNBC.
2. McCain isn't bothering to campaign on the weekend, puttering around the golf course while his party regulars smell an embarrassment? Publicly bailing on Michigan. Woops.
3. Governor Palin practically hanging (in a smug yet folksy way of course) Obama in effigy as a terrorist sympathizer this weekend at a Colorado event. Desperate and ugly snottiness that McCain supposedly swore off.
4. Massive new voter registration that skew Democrat demographic.
5. The Bailout fallout and Wall Street implosion are making 401K's into 201K's, voters are going to punish the GOP with extreme prejudice.
Enjoy the Saturday Night Live sketches America, the Landslide is brewing up a vicious beating.
J: Dammit, C, you always yell at me for breaking out the early predictions... and now I'm going to turn the tables. The election is still a long way off. A month is a hell of a long time in politics, and... hell, my heart's not in it. I agree with you.
But, for the sake of accuracy, I will say that it's fivethirtyeight.com, and they do a really good job of breaking down the numbers.
I also really don't see McCain's campaign managers getting much work after this race, at least not on a National level. David Plouffe will be the "must-have" Democratic strategist for the next decade. He was smart enough to steal the grass-roots internet organization of Dean in 2004, and the "Speed Kills" approach of Carville in '92. He has had the message out quickly, and his ability to keep everything running through the campaign has kept the Obama message on-topic.
Still, it is a month, and it should get more entertaining from here. Our next stop- tomorrow's drinking game... err... debate.
C. Now that I've opened my big, fat trap, expect Johnny Mac to stroll on stage with Bin Laden's head under his arm with a butter knife in his hand.
1. Check out all the polling data, the Electoral College map ain't pretty for McCranky and the Avon Lady from Mooseville. http://www.pollster.com/ or 538.com or MSNBC.
2. McCain isn't bothering to campaign on the weekend, puttering around the golf course while his party regulars smell an embarrassment? Publicly bailing on Michigan. Woops.
3. Governor Palin practically hanging (in a smug yet folksy way of course) Obama in effigy as a terrorist sympathizer this weekend at a Colorado event. Desperate and ugly snottiness that McCain supposedly swore off.
4. Massive new voter registration that skew Democrat demographic.
5. The Bailout fallout and Wall Street implosion are making 401K's into 201K's, voters are going to punish the GOP with extreme prejudice.
Enjoy the Saturday Night Live sketches America, the Landslide is brewing up a vicious beating.
J: Dammit, C, you always yell at me for breaking out the early predictions... and now I'm going to turn the tables. The election is still a long way off. A month is a hell of a long time in politics, and... hell, my heart's not in it. I agree with you.
But, for the sake of accuracy, I will say that it's fivethirtyeight.com, and they do a really good job of breaking down the numbers.
I also really don't see McCain's campaign managers getting much work after this race, at least not on a National level. David Plouffe will be the "must-have" Democratic strategist for the next decade. He was smart enough to steal the grass-roots internet organization of Dean in 2004, and the "Speed Kills" approach of Carville in '92. He has had the message out quickly, and his ability to keep everything running through the campaign has kept the Obama message on-topic.
Still, it is a month, and it should get more entertaining from here. Our next stop- tomorrow's drinking game... err... debate.
C. Now that I've opened my big, fat trap, expect Johnny Mac to stroll on stage with Bin Laden's head under his arm with a butter knife in his hand.
10.02.2008
The VP Debate
J: Well, tonight's the night- the Vice-Presidential debate between Governor Sarah Palin and Senator Joe Biden. And the spin from both camps is incredible. It's hilarious to watch both camps downplay their candidate's chances while talking up the opponent like they're the second coming of Clarence Darrow.
If nothing else, there is the potential for tremendous humor here.
And, if you haven't seen this, it's worth your time.
C. Snow machine! Snow Machine! Snow Machine!
If nothing else, there is the potential for tremendous humor here.
And, if you haven't seen this, it's worth your time.
C. Snow machine! Snow Machine! Snow Machine!
9.27.2008
Caribou Barbie
J: The worst thing about a blog going dark for a few months is that there are far too many things that need commentary, and far too little time to mention them all. But, so far, the biggest surprise of this election is John McCain's choice of vice-presidential nominees.
I don't believe for a minute that Sarah Palin was Senator McCain's first choice as running mate. I think she was a reactionary pick, trying to pander to both the hard-core conservative base and the "PUMA" crowd from the DNC. She's definitely motivated the base- on both sides. Hard-core feminists and the pro-choice community may want to see a woman in a position of power, but not this woman. And I think, before everything is said and done, that Hillary! will come forward and deliver a statement that will do some considerable political damage to Palin.
Here's my overall take on Governor Palin:
I think she's a great politician- for Alaska. The problem there is that the main issues that affect Alaska aren't the same as those that affect most of America. She's extremely sharp on the Alaskan issues- look up some of her 2006 debates on Youtube. She's also smart, cunning, and has a mean streak- all of which are necessary in politics. She knows which lawmakers have slept with which aides, and who has what skeletons in their closets.
I think the big reason she comes off poorly in interviews- and Katie Couric and Charles Gibson aren't exactly the attack dogs of the Washington press corps- is that she hasn't spun herself up on National issues. Oil production and fishing rights? She's good, she's done her homework, it's important to Alaska, she gets that stuff. International relations? Not an issue for her.
And I think she never studied those sorts of things because she didn't expect them to be relevant, at least not at this point in time. She was viewed as an outside contender to get a shot at VP, because there were other women in the GOP perceived to be more "qualified" and "experienced" (which I think are bullshit labels to use- there is no job that can really prepare a person for the Presidency. If we wanted experience, this race would be George H.W. Bush vs. Jimmy Carter). Kay Bailey Hutchinson would have been a far more powerful running mate.
When she runs for President in 2012- and she will, 'cause if McCain loses, she's still the new face of the GOP, while if he wins, I believe he'll be a one-termer (assuming he makes it through the term)- you'll see a much more informed Sarah Palin on the campaign trail. A lot more foreign policy and economic discussion, a lot less about moose hunting and snowmachining.
And that brings up another interesting aspect- she's trying to connect with the "average" voter by saying "I'm a lot like you". The simple fact of the matter is- she's not. While most parents may take their kids to sports, the kids are playing soccer and baseball, not hockey. The average American doesn't hunt moose, nor do they ride snowmachines. (I just really like the word "snowmachine". I'd always heard those referred to as snowmobiles, but hearing "snowmachine" has changed my vocabulary. Snowmachine.)
Finally, I've noticed an interesting phenomenon when talking to her male supporters. Eventually, the phrase "she's hot" comes out. Really? Sarah Palin? While I'm not going to disagree with them- every person has their own standards for what qualifies as attractive- I just don't see it. I think her voice is the deal-breaker for me. I just can't concieve of sultry pillow talk with that accent. Instant deal-breaker. And I think Thomas Jefferson would spin in his grave if he learned that the people of the Republic were even considering voting for someone because of physical appearance.
I have no good conclusion to this, so here's Governor Palin offering honorary Alaskan citizenship to Craig Ferguson.
C. Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is simply not qualified to be Vice President let alone President of the entire United States of America. Now it is good clean fun to be Zena the Christian Warrior Executive of a National Geographic wonderland populated with moose, bears, hippies, king crabs, 'snow machiners' (say it again J., 'snow machiners'), oil drillin' good ol' boys along with the cast of extras from Lee Marvin and Charles Bronson's masterpiece Death Hunt, but mistaking a whale for a Russian submarine is not foreign relations expertise. Pageant princess drama, popping out a litter, sitting on the PTA, being an avid speak-in-tongues member of a Church of Snake-handlers and being the mayor of some frozen shitberg are not Leader of the Free World resume builders either. The ink isn't even dry on Her Smugness' passport. And when Katie Couric, a former Today Show hostess, turns you into a dog-ate-my-homework blithering idiot you are in deep moose dung.
After the first Presidential debate (where Senator McCain offered proof that North Korea is evil, "South Koreans are three inches taller than North Koreans."), Sarah Palin was noticeably absent for the post spin fiesta. Joe Biden did his gig filling in the Obama potholes and sharing the happy Koolaid. The Republican team turned to Rudy 9/11 Giuliani instead of the Queen of Hockey Moms. When your own people are afraid of what you'll say, this is not exactly a ringing endorsement of your qualifications. After the whoopee lipstick on a hockey pig feigned outrage 10 minutes of Frothing The Base, Palin appears to have become a liability even among her own campaign team. Is Joe the Lapdog Lieberman whispering in McCain's good ear, "Im still vetted John, I'm still vetted"? And which GOP wizard sold the idea that Caribou Barbie could pull Hilary Clinton women voters?
Overheard at the McCain war room, "We need a bump in the polls! Stat! Who's got an idea?"...
Cue music and 3...2...1..."Yummo! Next week on Rachel Ray: Sarah and Bristol Palin join Lynne and Jamie Lynn Spears to discuss what's really important: EVOO, making little Christians and loving Geebus!"
The October 2nd Vice Presidential debate should be a hoot.
J: Snow machiners.
I don't believe for a minute that Sarah Palin was Senator McCain's first choice as running mate. I think she was a reactionary pick, trying to pander to both the hard-core conservative base and the "PUMA" crowd from the DNC. She's definitely motivated the base- on both sides. Hard-core feminists and the pro-choice community may want to see a woman in a position of power, but not this woman. And I think, before everything is said and done, that Hillary! will come forward and deliver a statement that will do some considerable political damage to Palin.
Here's my overall take on Governor Palin:
I think she's a great politician- for Alaska. The problem there is that the main issues that affect Alaska aren't the same as those that affect most of America. She's extremely sharp on the Alaskan issues- look up some of her 2006 debates on Youtube. She's also smart, cunning, and has a mean streak- all of which are necessary in politics. She knows which lawmakers have slept with which aides, and who has what skeletons in their closets.
I think the big reason she comes off poorly in interviews- and Katie Couric and Charles Gibson aren't exactly the attack dogs of the Washington press corps- is that she hasn't spun herself up on National issues. Oil production and fishing rights? She's good, she's done her homework, it's important to Alaska, she gets that stuff. International relations? Not an issue for her.
And I think she never studied those sorts of things because she didn't expect them to be relevant, at least not at this point in time. She was viewed as an outside contender to get a shot at VP, because there were other women in the GOP perceived to be more "qualified" and "experienced" (which I think are bullshit labels to use- there is no job that can really prepare a person for the Presidency. If we wanted experience, this race would be George H.W. Bush vs. Jimmy Carter). Kay Bailey Hutchinson would have been a far more powerful running mate.
When she runs for President in 2012- and she will, 'cause if McCain loses, she's still the new face of the GOP, while if he wins, I believe he'll be a one-termer (assuming he makes it through the term)- you'll see a much more informed Sarah Palin on the campaign trail. A lot more foreign policy and economic discussion, a lot less about moose hunting and snowmachining.
And that brings up another interesting aspect- she's trying to connect with the "average" voter by saying "I'm a lot like you". The simple fact of the matter is- she's not. While most parents may take their kids to sports, the kids are playing soccer and baseball, not hockey. The average American doesn't hunt moose, nor do they ride snowmachines. (I just really like the word "snowmachine". I'd always heard those referred to as snowmobiles, but hearing "snowmachine" has changed my vocabulary. Snowmachine.)
Finally, I've noticed an interesting phenomenon when talking to her male supporters. Eventually, the phrase "she's hot" comes out. Really? Sarah Palin? While I'm not going to disagree with them- every person has their own standards for what qualifies as attractive- I just don't see it. I think her voice is the deal-breaker for me. I just can't concieve of sultry pillow talk with that accent. Instant deal-breaker. And I think Thomas Jefferson would spin in his grave if he learned that the people of the Republic were even considering voting for someone because of physical appearance.
I have no good conclusion to this, so here's Governor Palin offering honorary Alaskan citizenship to Craig Ferguson.
C. Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is simply not qualified to be Vice President let alone President of the entire United States of America. Now it is good clean fun to be Zena the Christian Warrior Executive of a National Geographic wonderland populated with moose, bears, hippies, king crabs, 'snow machiners' (say it again J., 'snow machiners'), oil drillin' good ol' boys along with the cast of extras from Lee Marvin and Charles Bronson's masterpiece Death Hunt, but mistaking a whale for a Russian submarine is not foreign relations expertise. Pageant princess drama, popping out a litter, sitting on the PTA, being an avid speak-in-tongues member of a Church of Snake-handlers and being the mayor of some frozen shitberg are not Leader of the Free World resume builders either. The ink isn't even dry on Her Smugness' passport. And when Katie Couric, a former Today Show hostess, turns you into a dog-ate-my-homework blithering idiot you are in deep moose dung.
After the first Presidential debate (where Senator McCain offered proof that North Korea is evil, "South Koreans are three inches taller than North Koreans."), Sarah Palin was noticeably absent for the post spin fiesta. Joe Biden did his gig filling in the Obama potholes and sharing the happy Koolaid. The Republican team turned to Rudy 9/11 Giuliani instead of the Queen of Hockey Moms. When your own people are afraid of what you'll say, this is not exactly a ringing endorsement of your qualifications. After the whoopee lipstick on a hockey pig feigned outrage 10 minutes of Frothing The Base, Palin appears to have become a liability even among her own campaign team. Is Joe the Lapdog Lieberman whispering in McCain's good ear, "Im still vetted John, I'm still vetted"? And which GOP wizard sold the idea that Caribou Barbie could pull Hilary Clinton women voters?
Overheard at the McCain war room, "We need a bump in the polls! Stat! Who's got an idea?"...
Cue music and 3...2...1..."Yummo! Next week on Rachel Ray: Sarah and Bristol Palin join Lynne and Jamie Lynn Spears to discuss what's really important: EVOO, making little Christians and loving Geebus!"
The October 2nd Vice Presidential debate should be a hoot.
J: Snow machiners.
9.25.2008
Running Again
J: My fellow Americans, our long National nightmare is over. C. finally has a working computer again, and not a minute too soon. Because as bizarre as the primaries were, the general election for the Presidency is quickly becoming, for lack of a better term, flat-out weird.
Then again, so is the rest of America. The state of the Union is bizarre. If you need proof, just look at the American Football Conference. The Bills, Titans, Ravens, and Broncos are undefeated. And I won't even get started on the state of the Raiders.
But this isn't Drunken NFL. It's Drunken Politics, and we have enough strange happenings in that realm to keep us busy. I'm not going to get into the economic collapse right now, we can come back to it later. But yesterday, Senator John McCain announced he was suspending his campaign in order to focus on the bailout. Well, not immediately- he will still speak at Bill Clinton's "Clinton Global Initiative" on Thursday. But Friday? Well, by golly, he won't be campaigning Friday. No sir. Country First. It's far more important to get this bill passed. Never mind that he sits on no committee that will be doing the real work on it, never mind that he has not made a single vote in the Senate since April, he's going to go to work! It's not like there was anything major scheduled for Friday. Other than that debate with Senator Obama in Mississippi. The Foreign Policy debate. The one where it was assumed that McCain would make his strongest showing.
There have so far been three really interesting ramifications from this. First, McCain cancelled his apperance on The Late Show with David Letterman. Now, Dave likes Johnny Mac. Hell, McCain announced he was running on Letterman. There's a history there. So, when McCain called and said he was heading to the airport, Letterman had no problem with it... until he found out that McCain was down the street, doing an interview with Katie Couric. It's bad enough to cancel one TV appearance for another, but don't do it on the same network. Dave was irate- and if you haven't seen it, it's hilarious. The fact that Letterman got Keith Olbermann as the replacement guest
Dave on McCain.
Second, the McCain Campaign has suggested moving Friday's debate to October 2nd, and rescheduling the VP debates to a date TBD. In one day, the McCampaign suggested moving two debates. Just... wow.
Third, I don't know if it was David Plouffe or Barack himself, but someone in the Obama camp earned their pay yesterday. When Obama said "It is going to be part of the president's job to deal with more than one thing at once", he framed the discussion in his terms. More importantly, he acted quickly enough to get in the same news cycle as McCain's announcement. Speed kills.
C. Well J., it's good to be back in the seamy underbelly that is Drunken Politics. Months ago when I decided to give my brain and sanity a rest from Chris Matthews and Fox News by canceling my cable, the Flying Spaghetti Monster decided to test me by pouring a full glass of wine over my laptop. With no Internets or cable TV, I suffered with local TV rabbit ear Action News, the joke known as nightly national news and these strange documents fashioned from trees called 'newspapers'. I now can fully relate to your generic Americanus Ignoramus also known as 'voters'. It is nearly impossible to construct an informed opinion with what passes for media insight. Only Public Television's Charlie Rose and the News Hour prevented suicide. Granted, local TV news helped soothe my information-free anxiety by sharing scare videos of criminals lurking under every bush, the frightful disease of the day and Doppler 8000 pinpoint weather forecasts. The one highlight of old-timey TV are the endless barrage of campaign attack ads. It's helpful to know that one of my US Senate candidates loves rapists and taxes, and the incumbent owns a set of million dollar golf clubs. Yea Democracy!
Speaking of Yea Democracy!, we can thank our red, white and blue stars that the free market is in a state of near collapse. Without the end of Wall Street capitalism and financial giants' implosions, we'd still be deluged with the grand debate whether Governor Sarah Palin is a lipstick-coated pig or a moose-shootin' reincarnation of the Virgin Mary/GILF. While foreclosures and 401K losses bother a few grumpy Americans, WalMart is still open 24/7, so how bad could the Economy really be? Former TX Senator and McCain economic advisor Phil Graham said we've become "a nation of whiners". Woops, a TRILLION DOLLAR bailout woops. Last week McCain said the economy is fundamentally strong. Woops. Now he's suspended his campaign trying not to trip over his superhero cape as he flies back to Washington to save the day from greed mongers. Unfortunately, those selfish bastards in Congress worked out a deal to fleece the taxpayer before he could work his Mystical Maverick Magic. And Obama has the working man's shark, errr friend, Warren Buffet advising him so the little guy can sleep tight. Senator Obama, Man of Change, has the fattest of the fat cats steering him on policy. Sheesh.
Will there be a debate Friday? On something? Anything? Will Obama debate himself? Will John McCain sell his houses to prove his empathy with America? Will Obama smug himself out of the White House by using big fancy words and complicated ideas?
Healthcare? Jobs? Home ownership? Gasoline or Groceries? Guns? God? Gays? Pregnant white teen trash? Maybe a shiny new Cold War because those old ones we are fighting are downright boring? Suspend the election until until the economic boo birds simmer down? Is privatizing Social Security off the table? Stay tuned America.
Then again, so is the rest of America. The state of the Union is bizarre. If you need proof, just look at the American Football Conference. The Bills, Titans, Ravens, and Broncos are undefeated. And I won't even get started on the state of the Raiders.
But this isn't Drunken NFL. It's Drunken Politics, and we have enough strange happenings in that realm to keep us busy. I'm not going to get into the economic collapse right now, we can come back to it later. But yesterday, Senator John McCain announced he was suspending his campaign in order to focus on the bailout. Well, not immediately- he will still speak at Bill Clinton's "Clinton Global Initiative" on Thursday. But Friday? Well, by golly, he won't be campaigning Friday. No sir. Country First. It's far more important to get this bill passed. Never mind that he sits on no committee that will be doing the real work on it, never mind that he has not made a single vote in the Senate since April, he's going to go to work! It's not like there was anything major scheduled for Friday. Other than that debate with Senator Obama in Mississippi. The Foreign Policy debate. The one where it was assumed that McCain would make his strongest showing.
There have so far been three really interesting ramifications from this. First, McCain cancelled his apperance on The Late Show with David Letterman. Now, Dave likes Johnny Mac. Hell, McCain announced he was running on Letterman. There's a history there. So, when McCain called and said he was heading to the airport, Letterman had no problem with it... until he found out that McCain was down the street, doing an interview with Katie Couric. It's bad enough to cancel one TV appearance for another, but don't do it on the same network. Dave was irate- and if you haven't seen it, it's hilarious. The fact that Letterman got Keith Olbermann as the replacement guest
Dave on McCain.
Second, the McCain Campaign has suggested moving Friday's debate to October 2nd, and rescheduling the VP debates to a date TBD. In one day, the McCampaign suggested moving two debates. Just... wow.
Third, I don't know if it was David Plouffe or Barack himself, but someone in the Obama camp earned their pay yesterday. When Obama said "It is going to be part of the president's job to deal with more than one thing at once", he framed the discussion in his terms. More importantly, he acted quickly enough to get in the same news cycle as McCain's announcement. Speed kills.
C. Well J., it's good to be back in the seamy underbelly that is Drunken Politics. Months ago when I decided to give my brain and sanity a rest from Chris Matthews and Fox News by canceling my cable, the Flying Spaghetti Monster decided to test me by pouring a full glass of wine over my laptop. With no Internets or cable TV, I suffered with local TV rabbit ear Action News, the joke known as nightly national news and these strange documents fashioned from trees called 'newspapers'. I now can fully relate to your generic Americanus Ignoramus also known as 'voters'. It is nearly impossible to construct an informed opinion with what passes for media insight. Only Public Television's Charlie Rose and the News Hour prevented suicide. Granted, local TV news helped soothe my information-free anxiety by sharing scare videos of criminals lurking under every bush, the frightful disease of the day and Doppler 8000 pinpoint weather forecasts. The one highlight of old-timey TV are the endless barrage of campaign attack ads. It's helpful to know that one of my US Senate candidates loves rapists and taxes, and the incumbent owns a set of million dollar golf clubs. Yea Democracy!
Speaking of Yea Democracy!, we can thank our red, white and blue stars that the free market is in a state of near collapse. Without the end of Wall Street capitalism and financial giants' implosions, we'd still be deluged with the grand debate whether Governor Sarah Palin is a lipstick-coated pig or a moose-shootin' reincarnation of the Virgin Mary/GILF. While foreclosures and 401K losses bother a few grumpy Americans, WalMart is still open 24/7, so how bad could the Economy really be? Former TX Senator and McCain economic advisor Phil Graham said we've become "a nation of whiners". Woops, a TRILLION DOLLAR bailout woops. Last week McCain said the economy is fundamentally strong. Woops. Now he's suspended his campaign trying not to trip over his superhero cape as he flies back to Washington to save the day from greed mongers. Unfortunately, those selfish bastards in Congress worked out a deal to fleece the taxpayer before he could work his Mystical Maverick Magic. And Obama has the working man's shark, errr friend, Warren Buffet advising him so the little guy can sleep tight. Senator Obama, Man of Change, has the fattest of the fat cats steering him on policy. Sheesh.
Will there be a debate Friday? On something? Anything? Will Obama debate himself? Will John McCain sell his houses to prove his empathy with America? Will Obama smug himself out of the White House by using big fancy words and complicated ideas?
Healthcare? Jobs? Home ownership? Gasoline or Groceries? Guns? God? Gays? Pregnant white teen trash? Maybe a shiny new Cold War because those old ones we are fighting are downright boring? Suspend the election until until the economic boo birds simmer down? Is privatizing Social Security off the table? Stay tuned America.
4.18.2008
Ae We There Yet?
C: Drunken Politics North has experienced technical difficulties. Pouring an entire glass of wine over a laptop is bad for web access. Thanks to a charming and very attractive neighbor and the loan of her laptop, this post is possible. On with the show.
The Keystone State is Ground Zero for Hilary. The horrifying debacle that was the debate, (which J. warned me not to watch), tested the metal of any politics geek. Sheesh, what a fiasco. Let's see, York Peppermint Patties is closing up shop and moving its facility from PA to Mexico, and ABC News asks about flag pins and Rev. Wright. And while Obama and Clinton spar over Drivel and Nonsense, McConfused is shoring up national credibility despite the facts. A Bush economy in the crapper, a sub-prime mortgage meltdown, war on two fronts, international disrespect, the death of the US dollar and oil prices through the roof, yet McCain has parlayed the Democrat's sniping and his veteran status into the realm of Presidential possibility. Shi'a, Shiite, who cares, eh? Economy-shomony.
With a bit of luck, Pennsylvania will stick a fork in Clinton and say she's done. Will mathematics ever kick in? This is No Child Left Behind gone mad.
The Keystone State is Ground Zero for Hilary. The horrifying debacle that was the debate, (which J. warned me not to watch), tested the metal of any politics geek. Sheesh, what a fiasco. Let's see, York Peppermint Patties is closing up shop and moving its facility from PA to Mexico, and ABC News asks about flag pins and Rev. Wright. And while Obama and Clinton spar over Drivel and Nonsense, McConfused is shoring up national credibility despite the facts. A Bush economy in the crapper, a sub-prime mortgage meltdown, war on two fronts, international disrespect, the death of the US dollar and oil prices through the roof, yet McCain has parlayed the Democrat's sniping and his veteran status into the realm of Presidential possibility. Shi'a, Shiite, who cares, eh? Economy-shomony.
With a bit of luck, Pennsylvania will stick a fork in Clinton and say she's done. Will mathematics ever kick in? This is No Child Left Behind gone mad.
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