C: What is it? Where does it come from? Is it those famed 100 monkeys typing until Shakespeare or the Bible crops up? Is it a few of those monkeys who couldn't make the literary cut who chuck darts at the WSJ's stock pages and outperform the best money runners out there? Is it a foul stew simmering with Rush Limbaugh, Matt Drudge, the Washington Post, the NY Times, pajama bloggers, Fox News, Chris Matthews and a corporatized media polluted with low rent lazy journalism grads who should be pumping gas in a proper world? I have no idea.
And Political Consultants. What a bunch of hack clusterfuckers, and how do I get on this moneytrain.
Well just as a diesel-powered California pecan tree shaker hums during harvest time, Rudy Giuliani has been thrown off his branch. The man spent the equivalent of an African nation's GDP for one delegate. Who told him it was a good idea to run for the highest office and use fear as your strategy? When the FDNY calls you out as a fraud, who told Rudy to ignore that. You're the real hero Mr. Mayor. Does McCain really want this endorsement?
And Senator Edwards. Johnny E.. The poor don't vote. There are no Diebold machines under bridges. WalMart is the biggest retail operation in the world because low income people don't like being reminded that the American Dream might be a stretch. But thank you for falling on the sword. Katrina was real and embarrassing. Crap health care is embarrassing. Corporate douchebaggery is embarrassing. I've heard we maybe at war too, but Obama not shaking Clinton's hand is the NEWS. It's also embarrassing that your ideas couldn't blow through the Conventional Wisdom. Dude just picked a bad time to the most liberal rich White dude candidate in the room when a woman and an African-American are potentially making history. And any other time this would be a bad outcome.
*deep breathing into paper bag*
1.30.2008
Florida
J: I have started this post four times now. I have pared it down to this: The Republican's "winner-take-all" system is bad for primaries, Hillary will claim a victory although she shouldn't, and Rudy G is done.
C: Who is going to demand a recount? Johnny Mac? The Slick Willard? And who will Supreme Court crown Nominee-in-Chief?
And my guess Rudy waterboards who ever came up with his campaign strategy. Good thing it's not torture. And Huckaboo 's cutesy-folksey game is up.
C: Rumor mill is cranking up Rudy endorsing McCantankerous in California on Wednesday.
C: Who is going to demand a recount? Johnny Mac? The Slick Willard? And who will Supreme Court crown Nominee-in-Chief?
And my guess Rudy waterboards who ever came up with his campaign strategy. Good thing it's not torture. And Huckaboo 's cutesy-folksey game is up.
C: Rumor mill is cranking up Rudy endorsing McCantankerous in California on Wednesday.
1.28.2008
The State of the Union
J: is intoxicated. Well, it will be if you follow that link.
C: This is a special SOTU address. There is no suitable expression to explain the joy that I will feel to never ever hear GWB exclaim how fan-freekin-tastic that is the State of the Union. Or something. It's actually starting to feel like the Bush era is over.
Anecdotal fun: I'm shopping for supplies this AM, I bump into the grocery manager and I tell him why my basket is mostly composed of booze and mixers, he says "And I'm hear to tell you the State of Union is strong". We both burst out in laughter.
C: Note: To our loyal readers, showing the back of one's hand to C- students is not partisanship.
C: I have two pages of SOTU notes that I cannot read. Thankfully, tomorrow is Florida.
C: This is a special SOTU address. There is no suitable expression to explain the joy that I will feel to never ever hear GWB exclaim how fan-freekin-tastic that is the State of the Union. Or something. It's actually starting to feel like the Bush era is over.
Anecdotal fun: I'm shopping for supplies this AM, I bump into the grocery manager and I tell him why my basket is mostly composed of booze and mixers, he says "And I'm hear to tell you the State of Union is strong". We both burst out in laughter.
C: Note: To our loyal readers, showing the back of one's hand to C- students is not partisanship.
C: I have two pages of SOTU notes that I cannot read. Thankfully, tomorrow is Florida.
1.26.2008
South Carolina Saturday
C: http://tinyurl.com/3xgoqe
Senator Obama blew the barn doors off the hinges with his South Carolina victory acceptance speech. I teared up. And while the whole show may burn down into a mudbog, RFK would be proud. This is special.
J:That victory speech was one of the finest pieces of Political Oratory I've ever heard. It was... indescribable. A mix of JFK, RFK, and MLK. If I was with the Obama campaign, I'd have DVDs of that speech included with every mail-out for the Super Tuesday states.
Edwards is looking more and more like he's pushing for Attorney General.
J:
C: Sometimes, once in a while, a moment happen. This was one of those moments.
Senator Obama blew the barn doors off the hinges with his South Carolina victory acceptance speech. I teared up. And while the whole show may burn down into a mudbog, RFK would be proud. This is special.
J:That victory speech was one of the finest pieces of Political Oratory I've ever heard. It was... indescribable. A mix of JFK, RFK, and MLK. If I was with the Obama campaign, I'd have DVDs of that speech included with every mail-out for the Super Tuesday states.
Edwards is looking more and more like he's pushing for Attorney General.
J:
C: Sometimes, once in a while, a moment happen. This was one of those moments.
1.25.2008
Friday Weirdness
J: Well, here we are. The day before the Dems get their SC thing going, and it's a bad-news-dumping Friday. There are the usual odd and/or rage-inducing stories, so I'll get past the wordy preamble and get to business. That, after all, is why you're here.
First off, we'll start with the Democrats. Now, a casual reader may notice that C and I both tend to lean a touch to the left. This is true. But we've been whacking the GOP because they've been making it easy on us. Caricatures are fun to poke at. The big-3 Democrats had been playing too nice with each other. Well, all that has changed, finally. Hillary came out this afternoon and said that she believes the delegates from Florida and Michigan should be seated at the convention.
Got it here.
Interesting idea. If it works, she runs the risk of pissing off all Barack's supporters, but she can afford to do that because a very substantial percentage of them would not vote for a Republican in the general election. And, as many fine minds have pointed out before me, you can get away with just about anything at a convention and not raise the general public's ire.
Next off, because this is Drunken Politics:
Virginia wants some decent Sangria. I hope this measure passes. I also hope those of you who haven't had good Sangria make the effort to find some. Delicious beverage.
But back to the politics and away from the booze, Bill Clinton is currently doing a hell of a job as his wife's attack dog. I just wish he'd stop. He's a Former President. He's also a spouse, which is why he'll never stop.
For the GOP weirdness,Ron Paul may have learned a lesson about not being beholden to corporations- you don't get to win.
On the other hand- political corruption? In Louisiana?
Call me shocked.
Finally, The New York Times has given their endorsement to John McCain. The rest of the Republican field thanks them. I predict you will hear every other GOP candidate use this endorsement to attack Johnny Mac.
C: Dammit. You've forced my hand, I suffered through the Florida debate last night and I was trying to use today as the cracker to cleanse my palate before South Carolina Saturday.
Debate highlights: Mitt "I'll invade Cuba and make the whole goshdarn island Gitmo" Romney had mucho air time. He has money and it will trickle to you. Rudy rolled over, only 911ing two or three times. My guess is he's seen his internal tracking polls and is trying to gracefully bale into a VP. McCain? MmmK, he was on stage. Hucklebee can smell his own marginalization, he sees his old fat self in the mirror. The God Constitution with guns and Chuck Norris shtick funny ha-ha-ha talk show guest President wannabe has worn thin. Dr. Ron "the Racist" Paul had a kind of James Stockdale aura floating around his head. Beating Rudy "TERROR EVERYWHERE" G. and raising interweb dollars from the Klingon-speaking crowd may be confounding him. And Mexicans have WMD. Or something.
Note to EVERYONE: Never never ever mess with William Jefferson Clinton. He's still the savviest, smartest guy in the room.
After South Carolina, retail politics is dead. A ghost, a shadow, a wisp of smoke. It's all about the money. I don't for a second buy this brokered convention, both Democrat and Republican, yackity-yack.
And because whacking the Hilary and Barack and the Son-of-a-Millworker pinatas are so easy, I've been storing up the bile where it belongs. My liver. I'll purge soon.
J: "Note to EVERYONE: Never never ever mess with William Jefferson Clinton. He's still the savviest, smartest guy in the room." Bears repeating. I don't really think Bill likes governing as much as he loves the Campaign Trail. He's the most charismatic, affable guy who will cut your legs out from under you and smile while he's doing it. And then lick the blood off his teeth.
C: I 'm trying to figure out how recently-crowned French President Nicolas Sarkozy's trip to India about nuclear power fits in here, but his girlfriend, Carla Bruni, is smoking hot. Oh, proliferation of nukes in India and Pakistan ups the stability of the region question. Bah. Let's go back to a potential flag burning Amendment or some such shit.
And I think our newest acquistion, the RP blimp (obviously we need to rename it), should do a flyover of Dubai. Check out Dick Cheney's new pad. We need to drop by for cocktails.
First off, we'll start with the Democrats. Now, a casual reader may notice that C and I both tend to lean a touch to the left. This is true. But we've been whacking the GOP because they've been making it easy on us. Caricatures are fun to poke at. The big-3 Democrats had been playing too nice with each other. Well, all that has changed, finally. Hillary came out this afternoon and said that she believes the delegates from Florida and Michigan should be seated at the convention.
Got it here.
Interesting idea. If it works, she runs the risk of pissing off all Barack's supporters, but she can afford to do that because a very substantial percentage of them would not vote for a Republican in the general election. And, as many fine minds have pointed out before me, you can get away with just about anything at a convention and not raise the general public's ire.
Next off, because this is Drunken Politics:
Virginia wants some decent Sangria. I hope this measure passes. I also hope those of you who haven't had good Sangria make the effort to find some. Delicious beverage.
But back to the politics and away from the booze, Bill Clinton is currently doing a hell of a job as his wife's attack dog. I just wish he'd stop. He's a Former President. He's also a spouse, which is why he'll never stop.
For the GOP weirdness,Ron Paul may have learned a lesson about not being beholden to corporations- you don't get to win.
On the other hand- political corruption? In Louisiana?
Call me shocked.
Finally, The New York Times has given their endorsement to John McCain. The rest of the Republican field thanks them. I predict you will hear every other GOP candidate use this endorsement to attack Johnny Mac.
C: Dammit. You've forced my hand, I suffered through the Florida debate last night and I was trying to use today as the cracker to cleanse my palate before South Carolina Saturday.
Debate highlights: Mitt "I'll invade Cuba and make the whole goshdarn island Gitmo" Romney had mucho air time. He has money and it will trickle to you. Rudy rolled over, only 911ing two or three times. My guess is he's seen his internal tracking polls and is trying to gracefully bale into a VP. McCain? MmmK, he was on stage. Hucklebee can smell his own marginalization, he sees his old fat self in the mirror. The God Constitution with guns and Chuck Norris shtick funny ha-ha-ha talk show guest President wannabe has worn thin. Dr. Ron "the Racist" Paul had a kind of James Stockdale aura floating around his head. Beating Rudy "TERROR EVERYWHERE" G. and raising interweb dollars from the Klingon-speaking crowd may be confounding him. And Mexicans have WMD. Or something.
Note to EVERYONE: Never never ever mess with William Jefferson Clinton. He's still the savviest, smartest guy in the room.
After South Carolina, retail politics is dead. A ghost, a shadow, a wisp of smoke. It's all about the money. I don't for a second buy this brokered convention, both Democrat and Republican, yackity-yack.
And because whacking the Hilary and Barack and the Son-of-a-Millworker pinatas are so easy, I've been storing up the bile where it belongs. My liver. I'll purge soon.
J: "Note to EVERYONE: Never never ever mess with William Jefferson Clinton. He's still the savviest, smartest guy in the room." Bears repeating. I don't really think Bill likes governing as much as he loves the Campaign Trail. He's the most charismatic, affable guy who will cut your legs out from under you and smile while he's doing it. And then lick the blood off his teeth.
C: I 'm trying to figure out how recently-crowned French President Nicolas Sarkozy's trip to India about nuclear power fits in here, but his girlfriend, Carla Bruni, is smoking hot. Oh, proliferation of nukes in India and Pakistan ups the stability of the region question. Bah. Let's go back to a potential flag burning Amendment or some such shit.
And I think our newest acquistion, the RP blimp (obviously we need to rename it), should do a flyover of Dubai. Check out Dick Cheney's new pad. We need to drop by for cocktails.
1.24.2008
The Munchkin Bails
C: Dennis Kucinich has dropped out of the race this afternoon. This means no Trophy First Lady in the White House. A sad day indeed. I met Kucinich at a neighborhood Earth Day event in the last election cycle, hell, he owns every bumpersticker in my part of the planet. Aside from furthering my theory that short dudes are not viable candidates for the Presidency, the Congressman was way ahead of the curve on the environment/Global Warming, universal healthcare, a living wage and immediate withdrawl from Iraq. All co-opted now by Hillary, Barack and Johnny E..
J: I like Kucinich. I also like the idea of a willowy redhead First Lady with a pierced tongue and a Brit accent. A sad day, indeed.
J: I like Kucinich. I also like the idea of a willowy redhead First Lady with a pierced tongue and a Brit accent. A sad day, indeed.
1.22.2008
Fred! no More.
J: The "true conservative" has cut bait. I don't think it's too tough to see why.
Rudy's next.
It's kind of sad, though. I thought Freddy T. brought the right amount of "crochety old man" to the GOP. McCain really needs to step up his crankiness to fill the void.
Also, the British Guardian is reporting that the Huckabeest has senior staff going without pay and aides leaving the campaign. Perhaps that second-place finish in Carolina was more of a "victory" than he could take.
C: The buzzards have been circling over Fred's head almost since he announced that he'd bless the Republicans with his presence. I think he was under the impression that he'd simply be anointed Reagan Redux. The campaign trail with all those nosy voters and Press prying and prying... the luxury TV trailer, coming out and reading three pompous Law & Order lines, packing it in at Noon sounds better to me too. I would have sworn he'd have a bigger following.
Huckster and Rudy LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU Giuliani best watch the sky. Those buzzards smell fresh carrion.
Hmmm...Crow, buzzards, it is time for John Ashcroft to sing Let The Eagle Soar?
Rudy's next.
It's kind of sad, though. I thought Freddy T. brought the right amount of "crochety old man" to the GOP. McCain really needs to step up his crankiness to fill the void.
Also, the British Guardian is reporting that the Huckabeest has senior staff going without pay and aides leaving the campaign. Perhaps that second-place finish in Carolina was more of a "victory" than he could take.
C: The buzzards have been circling over Fred's head almost since he announced that he'd bless the Republicans with his presence. I think he was under the impression that he'd simply be anointed Reagan Redux. The campaign trail with all those nosy voters and Press prying and prying... the luxury TV trailer, coming out and reading three pompous Law & Order lines, packing it in at Noon sounds better to me too. I would have sworn he'd have a bigger following.
Huckster and Rudy LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU Giuliani best watch the sky. Those buzzards smell fresh carrion.
Hmmm...Crow, buzzards, it is time for John Ashcroft to sing Let The Eagle Soar?
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