Welcome to the new-new America

C: The United States of America is undergoing a unique transmogrification. Gone are the days of civility, pseudo-intellectual Constitutional misinterpretation, obfuscation and a quasi-cogent irrational argument. The Teabaggers are the new American meme. It makes me want to hum the National Anthem on the way to Walmart. To buy a 48-pack of Chinese toilet paper and a Klondike bar. I forgot my list again. Oh, and Death Panels will be decommissioned in the 2012 Palin/Bachmann administration. Thank Geezus for that. And Mexicans are involved somehow. Yes, the Mexicans. I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.

And yet Hope is shining on the horizon. Slippery indictee House Leader Tom "The Hammer" Delay of Texas is kicking up his heels on Dancing With The Stars to show us the way to freedoms. Can I get a 'Whoa, Amen.'?


Palin to resign

J: It's one thing to dump bad news on a Friday. It's how to manage a news cycle. Every politician at a level higher than high school student council has this maneuver in their playbook. However, dumping bad news is one thing. Announcing that you will resign as Governor of Alaska almost a year and a half before your term ends, that's something else, and that needs to be managed carefully. You dump that bad news on a Friday that a ton of people have off of work, and the day before a national holiday.

I don't know why Governor Palin is resigning- I listened to her rambling speech, and had a very difficult time following her train of thought. She really should have written the speech in advance, or at least had a few 3x5 index cards with some key points on them. But, I digress.

The question now becomes: Who's next for the GOP? 2012 is looking like an uphill climb for the Republican party anyway- whether or not you agree with his policies, Barack can flat out campaign. But now, in the span of about 10 days, the two front-runners for the 2012 nomination have basically been knocked out of the race. Mark Sanford traded his chance at the Presidency for his Argentinian mistress, and now Palin has removed herself from serious consideration. Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney, and Tim Pawlenty are all thrilled to hear this news.

But... why? Why did she resign? Is there a scandal coming around? Could she just not take the pressure of the liberal Alaska media? Upcoming weeks will be telling, and, with any luck at all, entertaining.

C: While Drunken Politics North enjoyed a post-inaugural hiatus in the U.S. Virgin Islands, it only seems appropriate that a fiasco magically appears from the Great White North to welcome us back to the mainland. Troops are drawing back in Iraq, the American economy is in the crapper (so goes General Motors, so goes America), California is declared unsalvageable by Steve Jobs who had to go all the way to BanjoLand to get a fresh liver, a fresh and spicy Supreme Court is on the horizon, Newt and Rush are the titular heads of the GOP, the President has an ocassional Kool on the roof of the White House after impressing the World and pissing on Dubya's signing statements, Portland, OR's openly gay mayor is cleared by the Attorney General for lying about an underage liason only to have his house fall into pre-forclosure, the Chinese are thinking about dumping the dollar in favor of a more reliable currency... And Al Franken is finally a gotdam United States Senator representing the frozen wasteland known as Minnesota. Don-cha-know.

And here it is, a Drunken Politics gift basket on every doorstep, a gift basket filled with moose jerky, snow machine parts and a pamphlet on tips for dealing with babies who may be really really close relatives. Alaskan Governor Sara Palin, now former governor, peaked and jumped the shark with her appearance on SNL's Weekend Update. Nobody, I mean nobody, quits a sweet lazy gig like the governor of America's largest undisturbed national park without dirty, filthy, nasty and filthy secrets soon to be exposed. Idle speculation is in order. Is the Alaskan Governor the South American sweetheat of a South Carolina governor? Is the daughter's snowbilly-baby the love-child of Letterman or Joe the Plumber and the Governor? DNA...DNA...DNA...Will she go on The View and tell all?

The Republican Party has burnt down into an unseemly steaming mass of embarassment. I expect Nelson Rockefeller and William F. Buckley shall rise from the grave and kick some asses. Palin/Bachmann 2012.