Running Again

J: My fellow Americans, our long National nightmare is over. C. finally has a working computer again, and not a minute too soon. Because as bizarre as the primaries were, the general election for the Presidency is quickly becoming, for lack of a better term, flat-out weird.

Then again, so is the rest of America. The state of the Union is bizarre. If you need proof, just look at the American Football Conference. The Bills, Titans, Ravens, and Broncos are undefeated. And I won't even get started on the state of the Raiders.

But this isn't Drunken NFL. It's Drunken Politics, and we have enough strange happenings in that realm to keep us busy. I'm not going to get into the economic collapse right now, we can come back to it later. But yesterday, Senator John McCain announced he was suspending his campaign in order to focus on the bailout. Well, not immediately- he will still speak at Bill Clinton's "Clinton Global Initiative" on Thursday. But Friday? Well, by golly, he won't be campaigning Friday. No sir. Country First. It's far more important to get this bill passed. Never mind that he sits on no committee that will be doing the real work on it, never mind that he has not made a single vote in the Senate since April, he's going to go to work! It's not like there was anything major scheduled for Friday. Other than that debate with Senator Obama in Mississippi. The Foreign Policy debate. The one where it was assumed that McCain would make his strongest showing.

There have so far been three really interesting ramifications from this. First, McCain cancelled his apperance on The Late Show with David Letterman. Now, Dave likes Johnny Mac. Hell, McCain announced he was running on Letterman. There's a history there. So, when McCain called and said he was heading to the airport, Letterman had no problem with it... until he found out that McCain was down the street, doing an interview with Katie Couric. It's bad enough to cancel one TV appearance for another, but don't do it on the same network. Dave was irate- and if you haven't seen it, it's hilarious. The fact that Letterman got Keith Olbermann as the replacement guest

Dave on McCain.

Second, the McCain Campaign has suggested moving Friday's debate to October 2nd, and rescheduling the VP debates to a date TBD. In one day, the McCampaign suggested moving two debates. Just... wow.

Third, I don't know if it was David Plouffe or Barack himself, but someone in the Obama camp earned their pay yesterday. When Obama said "It is going to be part of the president's job to deal with more than one thing at once", he framed the discussion in his terms. More importantly, he acted quickly enough to get in the same news cycle as McCain's announcement. Speed kills.

C. Well J., it's good to be back in the seamy underbelly that is Drunken Politics. Months ago when I decided to give my brain and sanity a rest from Chris Matthews and Fox News by canceling my cable, the Flying Spaghetti Monster decided to test me by pouring a full glass of wine over my laptop. With no Internets or cable TV, I suffered with local TV rabbit ear Action News, the joke known as nightly national news and these strange documents fashioned from trees called 'newspapers'. I now can fully relate to your generic Americanus Ignoramus also known as 'voters'. It is nearly impossible to construct an informed opinion with what passes for media insight. Only Public Television's Charlie Rose and the News Hour prevented suicide. Granted, local TV news helped soothe my information-free anxiety by sharing scare videos of criminals lurking under every bush, the frightful disease of the day and Doppler 8000 pinpoint weather forecasts. The one highlight of old-timey TV are the endless barrage of campaign attack ads. It's helpful to know that one of my US Senate candidates loves rapists and taxes, and the incumbent owns a set of million dollar golf clubs. Yea Democracy!

Speaking of Yea Democracy!, we can thank our red, white and blue stars that the free market is in a state of near collapse. Without the end of Wall Street capitalism and financial giants' implosions, we'd still be deluged with the grand debate whether Governor Sarah Palin is a lipstick-coated pig or a moose-shootin' reincarnation of the Virgin Mary/GILF. While foreclosures and 401K losses bother a few grumpy Americans, WalMart is still open 24/7, so how bad could the Economy really be? Former TX Senator and McCain economic advisor Phil Graham said we've become "a nation of whiners". Woops, a TRILLION DOLLAR bailout woops. Last week McCain said the economy is fundamentally strong. Woops. Now he's suspended his campaign trying not to trip over his superhero cape as he flies back to Washington to save the day from greed mongers. Unfortunately, those selfish bastards in Congress worked out a deal to fleece the taxpayer before he could work his Mystical Maverick Magic. And Obama has the working man's shark, errr friend, Warren Buffet advising him so the little guy can sleep tight. Senator Obama, Man of Change, has the fattest of the fat cats steering him on policy. Sheesh.

Will there be a debate Friday? On something? Anything? Will Obama debate himself? Will John McCain sell his houses to prove his empathy with America? Will Obama smug himself out of the White House by using big fancy words and complicated ideas?

Healthcare? Jobs? Home ownership? Gasoline or Groceries? Guns? God? Gays? Pregnant white teen trash? Maybe a shiny new Cold War because those old ones we are fighting are downright boring? Suspend the election until until the economic boo birds simmer down? Is privatizing Social Security off the table? Stay tuned America.