Enough with Carrots, More Stick

C.
Enough with this pleading for Americans to pretty pretty please please go vote. Ever want stand in a voter line in Haiti? Or name a random central African country. Or let's bring up a visual for our denser American citizens, the Purple-thumbed of Bagdad. You, in the most putrid state of willful ignorance, don't have the 'time', or you whine it doesn't really matter because THOSE politicians are all corrupt, etc., etc.. Guess what? The reason your job got shipped overseas, the reason why your house is going bye-bye, gas prices up, food prices up, the Chinese are poisoning your kid's Robo-former, is simple to understand. You are pathetic and lazy and you let it happen because it requires thinking and being an active participant in the true American Way of Life. And maybe you've heard, some of your fellow citizens get shot at for a living to protect your Rights.

Well, I say enough is enough. Go ahead, blame greedy corporations. Who let the line get blurred? Do you know your Congressman's views or voting record concerning anything? You non-voters revoke your right to citizenship. Gitmo could be put good use, what's that? I can't you hear you with your head underwater. Who are your two Senators? We'll let you out when you can recite The Federalist Papers verbatim.The Chinese had an interesting approach to re-education camps. Heck, we don't even have to deport you. We own our own version of Siberia, that's right, Alaska has lots of room for you and your buddies. Fresh air and meat just wandering around. Sorry though, no more socialist oil checks. See, you are no longer citizens. Besides, we don't want or need you sucking up valuable and scarce commodities, clogging up traffic and prisons, driving up the cost of healthcare and drinking our clean water. Bad news, you and those who scoff at participation in the process are no longer welcome.

But you, Joe Don't Vote, have been given every opportunity to be patriotic. Do you really want Citizenship Revoked with Extreme Prejudice stamped on your driver's license? It's Election Eve. You've still got a couple of hours to dig up a newspaper, (the tree-thing with words), go stand in line, pull a lever or touch a screen and end what shame and guilt you carry with you every day. Wait what? You might not even be registered to vote? Pssst. Remember that oopsy, little Patriot Act thingy THAT YOU IGNORED that only spied on pesky terrorists? Should have paid attention. We're watching you.

Just go vote, save us the trouble of tracking you down.