10.23.2008

All Politics Are Local

C. Here in Oregon the thrill of Election Day is dampened by this silly statewide mail-in ballot thing. Two weeks before election day we all receive our ballots and Voter's pamphlets (216 pages of trees delivered to every voter in the Greenest State in the Union, that's irony goodness). One can drop their citizenry duty off at libraries and government places statewide up until Election Eve or mail with your own dam stamp three days prior.

In the Soggy Outlands, we have these critters know as ballot initiatives. Your fabulous idea can become law if your Street Corner Pester Army can annoy and sign up enough registered voters to get on a November ballot. And Bill Sizemore, our resident Conserva-pimp, makes banco-grande with all flavors of juicy suburban fraidy-cat caucasian churchy issues. This brings us to Measure 58. The Measure 58 Ballot Title summary in The Holy Moly Oregony Pamphlet states, " Prohibits teaching public school student (sic) in language other than English for more than two years".

In the Oregon Ballot Tome, along with candidate statements and supporting statements, any citizen or group can purchase statement space after the official legal constitutional/law proposal for $5oo clams. Argument In Favor or Argument in Opposition. This is straight and true and right from the pages of the Oregon Voters Pamphlet:

(http://www.sos.state.or.us/elections/nov42008/guide/meas/m58_fav.html):

Argument in Favor
Current law lets English students to progress at their own rate. No! Wrong! Measure 58 will require children to learn faster—by force of law. This measure will outlaw slow English learning! Cool!
In fact, laws requiring Latinos to learn faster could also legislate geniuses! Isn't it amazing what a Sizemore measure can do? Vote for faster English learning—and legalize geniuses! It's that simple! Sizemore simple!
My friends, Mexicans should be taught in English because it's our native tongue. But American colleges in Mexico City teach in English! By logical extension, that is wrong! Students should learn in the national language. Stop teaching military personnel in Germany in English. Keep the German in Germany! Students learn better in languages they can't easily understand!
The speed at which children learn is best established by initiative and referendum! The key is to legislate lesson plans by popular vote: The more lesson plans you vote on, the faster children learn. It's so simple! So how many hundred Sizemore lesson initiatives do you want to vote on in any one election?
Don't leave teaching to teachers! To make English students progress, all you have to do is vote for Sizemore measures. Bill Sizemore knows better than teaching professionals how to mandate student advancement by initiative petition. The religious right demands democratic dogma, and Sizemore legislates accelerated Latino language learning.
Additionally, this measure establishes the precedent for popular vote on all professional planning. How will your doctor treat your infection? Not by professional knowledge! No! Let the voters decide! Yeah!
Teachers should not be left alone to teach, and doctors should be regulated by the whims of popular elections! Professional practices should be set by the lowest common denominator of public prejudice at the ballot box. This is democracy! We want democratic lesson plans and democratic medical procedures! Sizemoron medicine! Let's vote!
VOTE FOR INCOMPREHENSIBLE INSTRUCTIONAND VOLUMINOUS VOTING!
Donations: Traditional Prejudices Coalition, Box 1851, Portland 97207.
(This information furnished by M. Dennis Moore, Traditional Prejudices Coalition.)


And Drunken Politics loves America.

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