Debate the Third

J: Well, the third and final Presidential debate is finally here, and this one has the potential to be interesting. Before you think I've lost my mind, let me explain.

The first two debates were hardly "debates" at all, they were two men speaking in talking points. That very well could be the case again tonight. But some part of me doubts that this will be the case. Senator McCain is trailing badly in national polls, and the state-by-state breakdowns show an even larger disparity. He needs an absolute slam-dunk victory in this debate- something that not only makes him look like the inevitable choice to be the next President, but also simultaneously knocks Senator Obama off the stage. Something huge, something remarkable. And that means he can't play it safe- he has to let it all hang out.

While it's possible that he could score a successful knockout blow, there is also danger in this approach- he could swing and miss so badly that he stops any momentum his campaign still retains. An error of that magnitude would be virtually impossible to recover from in 20 days... but taking that risk might be the only way Johnny Mac gets the keys to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. There's the drama for tonight- will he try and win this debate, or the election?

The thing is, I can't see any potential attack he can make. Obama's campaign has been Ali's "rope-a-dope" in action. Let your opponent make some body blows, but protect the head. Then, in the later rounds, once your foe has spent all their energy, land the knockout if you can... but realize that winning on points still counts as a win. The Democratic primary drudged up all the dirt Obama has- and it's not much. If the Clintons can't find the skeletons in your closet, then there probably aren't any to be found.

McCain has hinted that he's going to mention William Ayres in this debate. I'm not convinced that this would be an intelligent move. First off, it could turn out like his choice of VP- while the base gets energized, independents simply aren't swayed by it. Second, and perhaps more importantly, if you're going to use an attack, you really shouldn't announce it ahead of time. To go back to the boxing analogy, you can't telegraph your punches. You're setting yourself up for a massive counter. A former president of the Harvard Law Review would probably eviscerate a comment like that on the spot, but with days to prepare, it could be flat-out brutal. If there is a mention of Ayres tonight, hold on... because you are about to see one of the greatest comeback remarks of the past few Presidential campaigns.

Tonight's drinking game rules are simple: For Obama, drink when he says "middle class". For McCain, drink when he studiously does not look at Obama. If you want to give your liver a thorough beating, add these: For Barack, add "failed policies", and for Johnny Mac, "My friends". But be careful- the "my friends" rule is guaranteeing yourself a massive hangover. You've been warned.

C. Thankfully J., the debate had nothing to do about yours and my diminished mental capapacity. Although that would place us firmly within the new Palin worship mongers club. She's been reduced to family huggy Ops with Downes Syndromers. I guess the whole Obama-U-Is-A-Arab-Muslim-Teerorist thing is off the table. It's manditory, we're going to have to get ourselves a collector yellow 'TRIG' tshirt to commemorate the Palin fiasco. It's good to know there is one voting block locked up for McCain-Palin.

ring ring... It's Jerry Springer, he's looking for a pregnant teenager whose mother is a VEEP candidate, the baby daddy has dropped out of high school to get a job in oil fields. awwwwww....

This is postgame analysis on my behalf, stupid neighbor turned off his router. The Pirate wifi Lifestyle has its drawbacks. The Debate , mind you I've read or seen zero spin due to the phrases 'middle class' and 'my friends', ended up in a draw. Yep, a draw. McCain's RedBull's wore off after a half an hour reducing him to an eye-popped twitchy mess. Obama babbled like tall guys do when they're forced to sit down. Unfortunately for Johnny Mac, he's a Republican. America opened up their 401K statements on or about October 10th. George W. Bush is a Republican. Punishment will be severe. McCain, highly animated, hates taxes and has a crush on a Man Plumber. Obama, if you squeezed him you'd get cucumber juice. Thank the Lord this was the Debate the Third. This was by far the most interesting and confrontational debate, Bob the Mod didn't step in, and both candidates were engaged maybe due to their proximity. Thankfully, neither expressed a flag-waving solution to the horrid crapfest that will be known as the Great Recession. My liver is grumpy.

Breaking news: Joe the Plumber is not a licensed plumber and he owes back taxes. Woopsy.