Schadenfreude Tuesday

C. Just as most NASCAR fans secretly wish for a bumper to fly into stands to shear off the melon of the cousin you really don't like anyway, I enjoy political debates for those proverbial cringe moments. Really, who goes to a racetrack to see cars make a left hand turn for three hours? A town hall forum gives Political Schadenfreudeans (note: trademark immediately) fabulous opportunity for tires and windshields to fly off and shred the fleshy parts of any candidate. This metaphor makes more sense after a few beers. Trust me. Will Senator McCain's skull go Scanners tonight? Will Senator Obama accidently burst out an audible "I call bullshit, John."? Tune in.

Riddle me this Batman, where on God's green earth do you find a townhall room full 'undecided voters'? Who are these pathetic mutants who need to ask a question to help the 'decide'? Have they been sequestered in a bomb shelter for two freaking years of non-stop campaigning? "I don't know how I'm going to vote yet, I haven't heard anything yet to help me make up my mind..." This nonsense should be grounds for the revocation of citizenship.

J: I couldn't agree more on "undecided voters". Make up your damn mind already. If you don't know what these two stand for already, then you haven't been paying attention, and thus shouldn't be asking questions at a debate.

My gut feeling is that we might see some of John McCain's legendary temper appear. Unlike the previous debate, there's not going to be as much physical separation between the two, and Johnny Mac might actually look at Barack. This could make him lose it. And, for those of you who didn't know, McCain did not look at his opponent during the first debate. This would lose a high school debater points. I just don't think he was able to look at the young whippersnapper that might keep him out of the Oval Office.

He might surprise me, and keep his cool... but if there's going to be a trainwreck tonight, I think this is the most likely one. It is definitely the most entertaining option. For all of Obama's charisma when giving speeches, he comes across much more as a law professor in debates. Verbal pauses while he tries to figure the most correct phrasing for an answer are annoying, but not amusing. A crochety old man erupting into a rant on-stage? That is potentially comedy gold.

I'm keeping the drinking game rules simple on this one- one drink when McCain smiles and it looks creepy, one drink when Obama refers to his opponent as "John". If McCain calls his opponent "Barack" rather than "Senator Obama", chug. It didn't happen once in the last debate.

C. The height of the candidates is going to add some weirdness, but eventually they'll have to look at each other. J., your simple rules are dangerous. But add Obama or McCain say, "The Economy? Hell if I know, we're screwed." Finish the bottle.